A Difficult Admission

I was recently diagnosed with depression, while hospitalized in the behavioral medicine unit of a hospital near Troy University. I was in the hospital for five days, and I was angry and ashamed about it at first. After being discharged with this surprising (even to me) diagnosis, I decided to look back over the poetry published in A Collection of Reflections.

Hindsight brings a lot of clarity, and I could see periods in my life when I was depressed through some of the poems. The depression I have isn’t a situational thing, though the past year did exacerbate my condition considerably. My depression is a chemical thing, and it doesn’t even make sense sometimes.

So, now I’m attempting to re-boot my lifestyle to make my condition a little easier to manage. I was in a really bad place before I checked in to the hospital. I was having to force myself to get out of bed long enough to shower and go to class. I had no energy. I wasn’t doing anything, not even the things I love to do. I wasn’t even going to hang out with my friends anymore. I was just doing enough to get by. I wasn’t eating much or eating often. I wasn’t talking to people.

I wasn’t even writing anymore. That should have set alarm bells off in my head, all by itself. My biggest problem, I think, was that I was ignoring all of my problems. I wasn’t only doing that, though. I was pretending my problems didn’t exist, and it came back to haunt me.

So, now I’m trying to do things to keep the depression at bay. I’m taking medicine, which they put me on while I was in the hospital. I’m also keeping a journal specifically to track my feelings, so it’s easier for me to convey them to the counselor which I’ll be seeing for a while. I’m also going to start an exercise regimen.

This is still awkward for me in so many ways, but I don’t see the point in hiding a problem like this from people. I want to help people understand depression.